This past Thursday was officially one month that I have been working at the Global Alliance Against Trafficking in Women (GAATW) office. It’s been one month and one week since I arrived in Bangkok. I feel like in the moment, time has felt like it’s been going so slowly, and being here for 6 months has seemed so daunting, but looking back now it’s hard to believe I’ve already been here for over a month. I wanted to take some time and reflect on the rollercoaster that has been my first month here.
Leaving home was really hard. I have such deep relationships in Victoria that were much harder to say goodbye to than I expected. I cried more than I have probably in years. Walking through security at the airport, an emotional mess, was a bit embarrassing, but then I thought about why I was crying. I realized with a full heart that I have these people in my life that mean so much to me and I don’t want to be apart from them, but that love and support from them is such a rare thing to find and I am so grateful to have them in my life, even if it will be over the phone for awhile.
Arriving in Bangkok was a whirlwind. Figuring out my way through the giant airport and trying not to get lost and worrying about problems at immigration, even though I was the most prepared I could have possibly been, was so scary. But then I made it through, I picked up my bags and found my way to the taxi stand to get to my apartment.
As we drove along the freeway through the city, I looked out the window the entire time, admiring my new home for the coming months. I looked at all the billboards going past, some I couldn’t read, most for brands I didn’t recognize, and the few I did know like the Coca-Cola advertisements and Pepsi branding on the sides of buildings.
Settling into my apartment and trying to learn the neighbourhood was overwhelming. Almost everywhere I go, I am surrounded by a language I don’t understand. It’s hard not to feel awkward and out of place. The first meal I had here was from the Pizza Company, a restaurant I recognized from when I was in Laos. It was comforting and familiar at a time when everything around me was new and overwhelming.
Walking home from the mall after getting my sim card, I passed a restaurant near my apartment, where I now eat almost every day, and took a picture of the menu to run through my translation app (which has definitely saved me a few times here). I studied exactly how and what to order, practicing how to say it all the way until I sat down at the restaurant. The first time I ordered food in Thai, khao phad kai (chicken fried rice), I felt a rush of euphoria. I realized that this is terrifying and new and different, but I really can do it.
After the initial shock from the first few days, I started to feel a lot better about being here. I felt more confident in myself. I had learned the bus to work and had taken the skytrain. I had started at work with my lovely coworkers and really interesting tasks. I felt like I was really settling in nicely.
And then I got sick for a week. Even with all the wins I had, it started to feel like my body was just not capable of keeping up. It was a really rough week. The imposter syndrome started to hit hard and I honestly just wanted to be back home. Eventually though, after a visit to a doctor and a whole bunch of antibiotics, I started feeling so much better. I started exploring the city again and had a lovely fellow intern, Camille, come visit for the weekend. I started meeting new people and making friends. I once again began to feel like I was going to be okay here.
I had the incredible blessing of experiencing the Bangkok Pride parade. I had made a new friend from Switzerland a couple nights prior at a drag show (Thai drag is incredible!!) and we hung out for the whole weekend, going to events and for meals, exploring Bangkok nightlife, and we had an absolute blast at the parade. The mall we watched the parade from had a live band performing on one side of us, and a staircase setup with dancers and DJs performing, and people as far as I could see. The procession was around 3 hours long and by the end of it my feet hurt and I felt exhausted, but it was so exhilarating being surrounded by hundreds of queer people and allies all celebrating our joy together.
Being here, especially as a solo intern, has forced me to learn a lot about myself and try to adapt very quickly. I have become a lot more comfortable in my own company, spending substantial more time alone than I am used to. I have grown more independent, learning my way around the city and not feeling like I need to have someone with me when exploring the city, going for meals, or going to shows and events. I have tried new foods that used to scare me. I’ve started worrying less about my appearance – I’m going to be sweaty and my hair is going to be a mess and that’s just how it is here, but no one other than me really seems to care.
I still have a lot more to learn and a few things I know I should still work on. I find I’m often still rushing around when I don’t really have any reason to be and most people around me seem to really be taking their time and going at much slower and relaxed paces. I definitely want to learn more of the language, beyond just food and numbers. And there is still so much of this beautiful city to explore. I spent an hour and a half last week walking through Chinatown and only got through a third at most!
All in all, with all of the ups and downs over this last month, I am still so grateful for this opportunity and I can’t wait to see what the next 5 months have in store!!
