It’s hard for my brain to wrap itself around the idea that I’ll be finishing my internship in about 11 days — only 9 working days left. The thought of going back to my life in Canada feels strange. I’ll be returning to the same place, but as a different person. I’ve learned and grown so much, and I feel really proud of myself for it.
A lot has happened since my last CAPI blog, though the unfortunate highlight is that I got really sick, like “I-think-I-have-dengue” sick. After two days of the worst fever I’ve ever had in my life, I finally took myself to the hospital. Even the doctor thought I had dengue because my fever was so high. After a COVID, influenza, and dengue test, the results came back and behold: I had the flu! A really terrible case of the flu, apparently. I spent about three hours at the hospital before being sent home with a heinous amount of medicine.
(My first day at the hospital)
The next morning, I woke up with awful pain in my ear. I tried all day to make it go away, but after it didn’t stop, I went back to the hospital. And to my suspicions, I had an ear infection. That meant even more days of fever, ringing in my ears, trouble hearing, dizziness, and taking antibiotics three times a day. I have a particular distaste for antibiotics because my stomach cannot handle them, they always make me sick, so I had to pair them with anti-nausea medication. You get the gist. It took me ten days to even feel okay enough to leave my kost.
And for the most part, I was alone. My one friend, who had already caught the flu, would stop by after work to keep me company and take care of me, but otherwise, it was just me, my thoughts, my TV, and my books. It was lonely and hard and I felt awful. But then, by day 12, I was almost back to my normal self and went for a scooter ride (yes, slight flex: I learned how to ride a scooter!). I got to enjoy beautiful Jakarta again, and it felt like I was seeing it for the first time. After everything, it was a good reminder of how lucky I truly am to be here.
This month also brought a big professional milestone: my first “big girl” meeting at CIPS. I got to speak so much it almost felt like I was leading it! I also sat through and helped with a brainstorming session with my coworkers, Mas Rasya and Mas Nidhal, which was really insightful. I feel like I finally understand the full process of writing a policy paper.
Other updates: I ate a lot of sambal this month, which feels wild, considering that before coming to Jakarta, I could barely handle eating a Hot Cheeto. My friend even taught me how to make some last week, I know I will be making some for my family and friends back home and I am excited to know I can show them a little piece of everything I have learnt here. I’ve also eaten a ridiculous amount of nasi padang. It’s my favourite Indonesian food, and since my time here is running out, I want to make sure I eat as much of it as I can before I can’t anymore.
And then came Halloween! Honestly, I didn’t think I’d be celebrating this year, but it turns out there’s a decent number of people my age here who do. So my dear friends and I dressed up for two days and went out. It was so much fun, and for the first time, I felt like I was guiding them through something I knew more about than they did in Indonesia, I helped with all their costumes, and we even had a Halloween movie marathon. It felt like a little piece of home in my other home.
(My friends on Halloween night)
I also had to say goodbye to two CIPSies this month as they moved on to new job opportunities. We had a farewell dinner and played a game of badminton, it was sad but also really special. It was the first time it really hit me that soon, I’ll be the one saying goodbye.
I also joined a gamelan class that my friend Khansa suggested, and it’s been a lot of fun! Still, I’ve been experiencing a bit of a mental block when it comes to learning it. The class is in Bahasa, and although my friend Albina does her best to guide me whenever I get lost, I sometimes can’t help but feel a little stupid. It’s been a humbling experience, one that’s reminded me how hard it can be to accept that you won’t be good at something right away, and that it takes patience, trial, and error to improve. The class also emphisizes the saying “Rungokake lan kerja padha” which rougly translates to “Listen to each other and work together”. A central component of this kind of music as it is very much team based, if one of us messes up, the whole melody is off.
In a way, it’s a lot like working in a professional, office-based environment. The whole experience hasn’t come easily to me; I’ve had to push past self-doubt, let go of limiting beliefs, and have a few uncomfortable conversations along the way. But growth rarely feels comfortable, does it? With so little time left, I feel proud — proud of how far I’ve come, and of the close friendships I’ve built at work that made this journey feel so full.
(My class)
As for what’s next… I still haven’t booked my return ticket. I don’t really have a good explanation why, mostly, I just don’t have the guts to do it yet. (My wallet is begging me to, though.) I’ll get around to it soon.
Since I’m leaving soon, I’ve started scrapbooking in addition to writing journal entries. I want to make sure I capture my time here as best I can, so I don’t accidentally forget anything. I never want to.
(Some of my scrappy-booking)
I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready to leave. But I think that’s a good thing, it means this place, these people, and this experience have meant something real. I came here hoping to learn and ended up finding pieces of myself I didn’t know I was missing. Going back to Canada will be strange, but I’m comforted knowing that Jakarta will always be a part of me, tucked somewhere between the noise, the heat, and the laughter.
(A field in Bogor from a day tip I took)
